I'm Surprised

Romans 7:15 (NAS)

“For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.”  The greatest Christian who ever lived said that.  The Apostle Paul…he didn’t understand his struggle.  And there are days when I don’t understand mine.  In fact, sometimes I surprise myself at how selfish, sinful, and immature I am.  I have been a Christian for thirty-three years.  There are days when I think to myself, “You should be further along than you are now…”  Maybe Paul struggled with that too.

Before Peter was sifted like wheat, Jesus said to him, “I have prayed for you that your faith does not fail.”  Peter’s faith may not have failed, but he did.  He denied knowing the Lord three times.  Paul struggled and Peter failed.  In a weird kind of way they encourage me by their shortcomings.  It helps me knowing that two of the greatest men of God to ever live stumbled.

But today I am thinking about me.  I am too selfish, too impatient, too unforgiving, and too prideful, just to mention a few.  Honestly, I surprise myself at how I struggle at times...and how often I fail.   

My favorite Bluegrass singer, Ricky Skaggs, sang, “Savior save me from myself…”  That’s my prayer today.  As long as I live I will probably continue to be surprised at the lack of progress I am making in becoming the person God wants me to be.  But I will also continue to be surprised by God’s grace that is greater than my sin.  M