I remember my first black eye. You’d think after 18 years of living I would have already gotten that black eye in a fight, a bike wreck, falling out of a tree, playing football, etc. But that’s not the way it happened. At 18, I was laying under my car working on the exhaust when…the wrench slipped, the muffler fell, and suddenly I had a shiner. I didn’t cry but I thought about it.
Just so happened I was already invited to a prom that next Friday night. Perfect. Actually, I kind of enjoyed that black eye. Kind of proud of it. I was never a tough-guy, but for a couple of weeks I looked like one. The prom pictures made it even better, at least for a temporary tough-guy. Several people asked about it but I just laughed it off and told them it was a long story. For all they knew I had been in a fight. I didn’t have the guts to tell them I’d been hit in the eye by a muffler on a ‘74 Mustang.
I meet people every week who have a black eye of some kind. Unlike my shiner from many years ago, their's won't go away. It goes with them everywhere they go. What caused it? A number of things… a bad choice, living for the moment, a party, some beer, a wreck, a baby, a lie, got caught, got fired, went to jail, and the list goes on. And while that foolish decision was some 20, 30, or 40 years ago, they still wear the black eye. Why? People don’t forget and too often won’t forgive.
And here is the sad truth, with many of those who can’t outlive their past…there’s always more to the story. And, there’s a real possibility that the black-eyed man we can’t forgive is having a hard time forgiving himself. He’d like to go back and re-do or un-do what he did. She would like to re-write her story and leave that chapter out. But they can’t. So they live with it. She lives with the whispers behind her back. He lives with the raised eyebrows. And they both live with the memory.
At this point, they don’t need our advice or suggestions, criticism or comments. They just need grace. Forgiveness. Hope. All of that is found in Christ but sometimes He uses people like us to show it and extend it. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 the Lord said to Paul concerning his thorn in the flesh, “My grace is sufficient for you…” In Galatians 6:1 Paul encourages believers restore those who have been overtaken in some sin, some fault. I’m not suggesting we condone what they did – I’m just suggesting we should forgive. It may not be easy – but forgiving will help them, and it will help us, and it will please the Lord.
Do you know someone with a black eye? Trust me they already know it. No need to remind them of it. Just extend grace. Forgive. Give them a reason to hope. -MM
